My eczema journey
Eczema, a skin condition that depletes you, lowers your self confidence, you self esteem and can leave you in an isolated and lonely state wondering “is this going to be me forever, am I alone, there is no cure” and so on… Eczema isn’t something that is spoken about a lot which can leave you feeling like you’re on this journey alone.
My eczema started at a very young age… it got really bad in my teenage years covering both my hands and arms. I remember always feeling very insecure. Having tanned skin, my hands were always wrinkly and rough, dry or bleeding, and my arms covered in white or red bloody patches and people always making comments. I felt like the off one out! After months and years of trying different diets (adopting an eating disorder - read more about this in the blog “FINDING MYSELF”) seeing different specialists, taking a handful of different supplements it never got better, until we discovered ‘steroid creams’. At this point of my life I was desperate for something to help and I had no education about the damage and harm steroid creams did internally to your body. Steroid cream it was, and within a few months my eczema was completely cleared except for my right index finger… it never seemed to leave, but it wasn’t a huge deal and I got on with my life.
For many years after I always struggled with rough dry hands and gut health issues. Constipation, bloating, and struggling to keep weight off. Being so young and having no education that eczema was related to your gut health and a massive stress response. I continued to struggle with my overall lifestyle which included my diet, overworking and with my physical appearance. As mentioned I was also fighting an eating disorder for 10 years (read blog “finding myself” to learn more about this journey).
In February 2022 I was struck with covid. My main reaction to this infection was my first flare of eczema on the outside of my right hand, after roughly 9 years. I remember looking at it and obnoxiously thinking “this will go away on its own”. At this point I admitted to myself that I had an eating disorder but I wasn’t ready to ask for help yet. I carried on with life, first time uni student and juggling three jobs. Uni got the best of me and I became extremely stressed and my eating behaviours got out of hand. My eczema began to worsen spreading across my right hand. At the end of my Uni year I was at breaking point (legitimately). Not only was I carrying the stress of uni, I was also carrying the stress of a job that I was not aligned with as well as needing to address my eating disorder. I needed help!
In November two weeks before my birthday I vividly remember purging, I felt was so scared, I knew this wasn’t me or who I wanted to be! I knew I needed to ask for help. I went to Cool 2 Be Conscious (C2BC) on Saturday morning, it was my safe place. I remember seeing one of my friends and breaking down into tears. She held me so beautifully and let me move through the emotion until I was ready to speak! I told her what was going on and I just cried! I cried so much and then I knew I was going to be ok but I needed to take action. I went to the Dr who gave me a referral to a psychologist and dietitian who both specialised in eating disorders. From so many years of trying different fads, diets, binging and purging, I already knew I had caused some damage. When working with my psychologist and dietitian it was all about a “balanced” and “freedom of food choice” plan… This is all well and great, but there was so assistance / education on how the microbiome in the stomach is damaged and needs to be repaired, as well as when eating certain foods it’s going to be harder to digest which will cause inflammation and that inflammation can project, in my case dry, cracked skin, rashes and discomfort in the stomach leading to bloating and constipation. I was seeing both practitioners for 2-3 months before i started to get frustrated. My eczema was getting worse, I was uncomfortable in my body and skin, my moods were all over the place and I felt so disconnected from myself and life. Throughout my 10 years of dis-regulated eating, dieting, fads and obsessive exercise I had a rough idea of what “healthy eating” meant. For me personally, this was not eating a croissant when I wanted, or treating my self regularly, because I knew that these foods, high sugar intake, gluten and dairy did not sit well with my stomach and skin. So working beside two practitioners who did not validate my skin condition and work with me and my idea of what healthy means made me frustrated and I decided to stop seeking their help.
However, my journey did not stop here… as I had to put a pause of my overall life, I had stopped training and going to the gym as holding anything would break my skin and sweating would make it sting. Eating made me scared because most things I would eat (even healthy foods) would make me flare and with an eating disorder background in the process of recovery and healing, this was extremely triggering. This also lead me to not seeing my friends or being social because I felt like the “annoying one” with so many requirements and restrictions as well as being so self conscious of the way I looked and having red, bumpy flared skin. My mental health was suffering and so was I, deep down I knew that this didn’t have to be my life and I could / would heal but in the mist of it all, sometimes that was hard to believe…
After years of being told eat this, don’t eat that, this is the newest healthiest food, this is the newest fad or workout… I knew it was time to finally tune in with myself, my intuition and start listening to what my body needed, with the guidance of someone who understood what I was going through. After searching high and low and talking to some clients about my condition, I started to feel like I wasn’t alone and was connected with a naturopath Joanne Kennedy. Joanne explained to me that with my history of years of restricting, binging, purging, having an alcohol and drug background and always trying the newest fad diet, the microbiome in my stomach had become disrupted as well as my histamine levels in my body were heightened, all of this leading to inflammation in the stomach and dry, itchy inflamed skin on the outside (eczema). Joanne had me tested for a condition called SIBO (small intestine bacteria overgrowth). I tested positive for Methane SIBO and this was the beginning to fixing the root cause to my gut and skin issues.
From February to July 2023 my biggest focus was to calm my eczema down, reduce the inflammation in my stomach, stop wearing gloves gaining my confidence back and being able to live a bit more freely and having flexibility with my lifestyle before I went overseas. Joanne set up a treatment plan for me, there were some food “restrictions” but this was only temporarily as I began to develop a stronger gut lining with supportive digestive enzymes. As my gut started to heal, so did my eczema and I was able to slowly reintroduce foods. To say the least when July hit, my eczema was looking 85% better, no more gloves to protect my skin and I had a bit more variety in my food and lifestyle!!! Travelling was going to be my next challenge, but with everything I had learnt about nutrition, the gut and myself I knew I could do it!
Nevertheless, travelling was a huge challenge. Being in Peru where I couldn’t get the produce I got in Australia, eating out a lot (still making the most conscious and healthy decisions I could), being stressed at times led to small binges, however I was always honest about them and I had the most beautiful, safe support from my boyfriend back in Sydney. My journey is still going and everyday i’m becoming more and more conscious of my behaviours and past behaviours that I am slowly changing and choosing to make new neural paths and start to live my life from a place of love and freedom knowing that I don’t need to suffocate myself with trying to be more and trusting that i’m already enough!
This time round the goal for eating hasn’t been to loose weight or to change my image on the outside, it has been to heal my self from the inside out. Learning about myself on a deeper level has been hard however, an absolute blessing.
My journey to healing my eczema started with finding the root cause and being truthful about my past behaviours and addictions. Furthermore, it also included that I started to listen to myself and my needs, slowing down, saying no, doing the inner work, healing and finding my blocks, incorporating breath work and meditation, understanding that I didn’t need to work three jobs and to stop trying to prove myself and my worth to everyone and start believing that I am enough just the way I am!!!
I know I can’t change the world, but I do know that when we share our stories, challenges, truths and authenticity with others, it’s helping one other human who might be going through the same or similar situation. My mission is to continue sharing hard times and challenges in my life to half a challenge in anothers ‘s life and to let people know that they aren’t alone and healing is possible! It takes A LOT “A problem shared is a problem halved”. I do hope that we can live in a world where sharing from our heart will create more connection, love and healing in the world. We’re all facing some sort of challenge, let’s be kind, open our hearts and fly together on this colourful rollercoaster we call life.
